Yesterday, I contended that the most awkward motion in sports is the tennis serve. Of course, my girlfriend, who played tennis in high school, disagreed with me. She also played golf in college and offered the golf swing as the most awkward motion.
All this leads me to this post. I’ve got four motions that do not seem to come naturally to a novice. Granted, I am a novice at many sports, tennis included, but I am far from uncoordinated (at least in my mind). Thus, I think I have a pretty good idea of what is painfully unnatural. But feel free to tell me I’m wrong and let me know what you think.
1. Kicking pretty much anything. Yes, the act of throwing your foot at something is a natural motion. However, making sure that the part of your body that will take the brunt of that motion, your foot, is not. Put a soccer ball in front of somebody and their first reaction is to kick it with their toe. With enough force, that results in a broken toe. In soccer, you use the top of your foot or the inside of your foot. In Tae Kwon Do, you have many potential areas on the foot for striking, none of which are your toe: the top, the ball of the foot, the outside edge, or the heel. It’s odd that people use their largest, strongest limbs to hurl a mass with some of their smallest bones at solid objects. Kicking should only be done by experts.
2. Tennis serve / Volleyball spike. I find serving incredibly difficult. Start sideways. Toss a ball to the perfect height over your head. Strike the ball at the maximum height over your head. Hope to high heaven that you don’t ruin your shoulder as you throw your body’s weight behind the racket. A volleyball spike requires a similar strain on your shoulder, but I think there is even more back involved. Arch your back as you jump, and uncoil it as you strike the ball. Snap through. Maybe it’s all timing. Beats me. I’m usually just swinging as hard as possible and praying that I make contact.
3. Golf swing. So many things can go wrong here. I don’t even know where to begin since I can’t do it properly. All I know is that you have to keep your head still and that trying to kill the ball is bad. That hurts the back and causes a crazy slice in my case. Add mumbo jumbo about swing plane, bringing your knees through first, and breaking your wrists and you’ve only just begun talking about what could possibly be wrong. Think it’s like hitting a baseball on the ground? You’re completely wrong. It’s almost the opposite. The lead hand is in charge; no equal contribution like a baseball swing. And keep that rear elbow in, not up. Narrow your stance and minimize any unnecessary motion. There are more technical things to do in golf than any sport I’ve played.
4. Swimming. Do I really have to make an argument for this? Obviously, we were not made for the water. Exhibit A: water can suffocate us to death until we die. Exhibit B: we have hair, which leads to drag. Exhibit C: webbed feet are abnormal in humans. I admit that I am a pretty bad swimmer, and anybody who isn’t a strong one may admit to it being akin to prolonged drowning. When I heard about how water polo players keep their heads above water, I was baffled and got tired just thinking about how it happens. (It’s like egg beaters with your legs.) Calling swimming awkward may be a stretch, but flailing to survive can be awkward—at least socially. But maybe flailing is the most instinctive thing a person can do.
Any more awkward sports motions?
